


some sunny day

by breathofthewild



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Post-Series, Rating May Change, Tags to be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-05-24 15:40:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6158470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breathofthewild/pseuds/breathofthewild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper is 18. He should be a college freshman this year. Instead, he's on a bus bound for Gravity Falls, Oregon, because his parents think it'll be "therapeutic" and help him "get in touch with" himself, as if hugging trees is going to fix the chemical imbalance in his brain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

So. Mabel is going to school.

Art school. For fashion design.

In Georgia.

And Dipper is… well, Dipper's… not.

High school happened. Four years came and went, and all he has to show for it is a diploma and an anxiety disorder. When he started, he had a plan. He definitely remembers having a plan. But somewhere along the way, all the goals he set for himself deteriorated into "SURVIVE".

Dipper is 18. He should be a college freshman this year. Instead, he's on a bus bound for Gravity Falls, Oregon, because his parents think it'll be "therapeutic" and help him "get in touch with" himself, as if hugging trees is going to fix the chemical imbalance in his brain. And he's not going to cry when he looks out the bus window and thinks about how much he's disappointed them, because he's done that enough and he's getting sick of it.

He tried getting excited about going back. Some of his best memories were from Gravity Falls! Mabel certainly wouldn't let him forget it. Back home, there's a whole shelf on the living room bookcase dedicated to her scrapbooks.

But now, for the first time, Dipper's on the bus without her, and he's never felt more alone.

It's weirdly nostalgic, seeing the Oregon wilderness pass by. He and Mabel have always found time at least once per summer to come visit; they'd never hear the end of it if they didn't. Thankfully, Dipper keeps up a pretty good pen-pal relationship with Soos and Wendy. The Mystery Shack is still in business, and Soos is (according to him) pretty good at running it. Dipper manages to console himself at least a little with the knowledge that it would be good to see him again.

Wendy, on the other hand, is going to college somewhere in the Midwest. Hundreds of miles away, just like everyone else Dipper cares about.

He doesn't even know where Stan and Ford are. The last time he saw them was the summer after sophomore year, when they came home for a surprise visit to Gravity Falls while Dipper and Mabel were visiting. They smelled like saltwater, and had more stories to tell than any number of journals could ever hold. Having them there–no, having all four of them there together–it made the Mystery Shack feel more like home than California ever did.

Dipper cringes inwardly as he remembers the conversation he had with Ford, alone together in the kitchen after everyone else had gone to bed, on that last day before both of them were scheduled to leave. Stumbling through half-formulated sentences and questions, not even quite sure what he was asking, not sure if he wanted to hear the answers. Wringing his hands and refusing to look Ford in the eye.

Ford's voice was sympathetic but firm when he said, "Surely you must know how young you still are, Dipper. You haven't even graduated from high school yet, for goodness' sake–"

"I-It doesn't have to be _now_ , I mean," Dipper stammered, his heart twisting itself into knots as he tried to come up with the right words. "I know I still need to finish school and stuff--I just thought, like, if you ever… In the future, if you ever needed m--someone…"

He trailed off into silence. Though nothing would have pleased him more than to melt into the floor and never be seen again, he forced himself to look up and gauge Ford's reaction.

It was--well, he was frowning, brows furrowed. Maybe just realizing that Dipper was actually serious. "And what about Mabel?" he asked, his voice a bit softer than before.

Dipper's heart plummeted. "We won't always be able to stay together," he mumbled. A lame excuse, maybe--but it was true. They were already taking different classes, and he didn't even want to begin to think about what they would do after high school.

After a few moments, Ford sighed heavily. Dipper turned his gaze back to the floor, feeling shame bubble up in his chest. Nothing had to be said. It was already clear what the answer is, and Dipper was an idiot for even bothering to ask--

Ford placed his hand on Dipper's shoulder, and the weight nearly made him jump.

"I can't promise you anything, except that we can have this conversation again once you're older."

A spark of hope. It wasn't yes, but it wasn't no, either.

And then…nothing. That was over two years ago now, and all Dipper's gotten since then is a couple of postcards, obviously hastily written. Even if he still wanted that--still wanted to go with Ford and Stan, now that he's an adult and they might actually consider it--how could he? Last week, he broke down crying because he spilled a glass of water. He's no good to anybody like this.

That's why he's getting shipped off to Nowheresville so that his parents can put him out of their minds. He feels more like a child now than he ever did when he was 12.

The bored voice of the bus driver informs him that they've arrived in Gravity Falls. Somewhat hesitantly, he picks up his bags and heads for the front. He steps off the bus, and barely has time to register the welcoming committee waiting there for him before he's pulled into a giant bear hug.

"Dude!" comes Soos's gleeful voice. "It is SO good to see you!"

"Oof--it's good to see you too, man," Dipper chokes out. "Kind of need to breathe."

Soos seems reluctant to let him go, but he does, thankfully. He steps back, and Dipper can get a good look at him. Exactly the same as he remembers. It's still a little strange to see him in Stan's clothes, but he's still got the same smile, and--it's always been infectious. Dipper can't help it. He smiles back, and it feels genuine.

And then, unexpectedly, standing next to Soos is–

"Wendy!" Dipper gasps, going wide-eyed with surprise. "You're--I thought you were at school?"

"Hey, dude." She grins at him and, thank God, seems just as happy to see him as he is to see her. "I've got the week off, so I'm visiting. And how could I not come back when I heard my favorite nerd's gonna be in town?"

"Hey, now!" he protests, even as he's laughing, and he's about to say something more, but then she pulls him into a hug and it's gone.

This is good. This feels nice. This can be okay, he thinks.

After a moment, he returns the hug, and mumbles into her jacket, "You have no idea how good it is to see you again."

"Hey, dudes, no offense, but it's lookin' like it's gonna rain pretty soon," Soos interrupts.

Wendy pulls away and grabs Dipper by the shoulders, looking very serious. "He's right," she announces. "We have to get you back to the Mystery Shack!"

 

The Shack is quiet. It's pretty nice, actually. Soos closed up early to come get Dipper from the bus stop, and to get the attic ready for him. Soos's fiancé, Melody, was waiting for them when they came inside. Wendy excused herself, saying she'd better get home before it gets too dark, and promised Dipper that they'd catch up sometime soon. That'd be nice, Dipper replied.

He spends a while catching up with Soos and Melody--Mr. and Mrs. Mystery. They're getting married next summer, they tell him. That's good, Dipper says. They offer him for dinner, but he declines, says he ate on the bus already. Besides, he's pretty tired, and he'd like to settle in for the night. So Soos shows him up to the attic.

It's amazing how little the room itself changed over the past few years. The mattresses got changed once, after an incident set both of them on fire, but the two beds are the same (and he feels Mabel's absence more acutely than ever when he sets his bags down on his bed and the other is empty, perfectly made), and the weird stains on the walls and floor are just like how he remembers.

Don't let the bedbugs bite, says Soos. Dipper says thanks.

"But seriously, I saw some the other day and they were, like, the size of my--"

Dipper throws a pillow at the door. Soos shuts it quickly, but Dipper can hear him chuckling as he goes down the stairs.

So here he is. Again. Bitterly, he thinks how he never would've imagined he'd be so unhappy to return to Gravity Falls. He pulls out his phone, taps out a quick message to Mabel:  _made it here safe. missing you a lot. love you_

The little loading bar spins on his message for about fifteen seconds before it grays out and he gets an obnoxious red _failed to send_ message. _Ugh. Of course._ He checks and, as suspected, no service. That probably means he's not gonna get internet, either.

He sighs and flops back down on the bed. The room feels… bigger, and realistically, he knows why. There's hardly anything else in the room, except for a couple of cardboard boxes stacked haphazardly on top of each other in the far corner and labeled "STORAGE". There are no posters tacked up on the walls, or clothes and half-finished knitting projects strewn about on the floor, or half-read and dog-eared books stacked and scattered around.

He doesn't belong here. He's a stranger.

Rain patters steadily against the windowpane and the roof. The walls groan around him, and a draft causes him to shiver and pull the blanket around himself. He falls asleep half an hour later, inconsolably, to the thought that there's no place left for him that feels like home.


	2. Chapter 2

At 5 A.M., thunder wakes him up, and paranoia keeps him from falling back asleep. A half hour later, he figures there's no point in trying anymore and gets up to take a shower. Melody makes pancakes for breakfast at 7, and sitting at a table with her and Soos is blessedly comfortable.

At 11:30, an hour into Dipper trying to help out at the shop, he gives a customer the wrong amount of change with shaking hands for the third time. Melody gently suggests that he take a break for a little while. He doesn't even try to protest.

Being indoors feels stifling and isn't helping him feel any less panicked, so he leaves out the back door with nothing but a light jacket and his phone in his pocket. The rain has thankfully let up, but a heavy cloud cover still carries the possibility of more.

Walking without thinking about a destination, he digs out his phone and taps out a message to Wendy before noticing he still isn’t getting service.

“Figures,” he mutters to himself. He can’t even bring himself to be irritated, because he knows he should have expected it.

 

 

He doesn't know where his feet are taking him, until suddenly he does.

Mabel yelled at him for seeking it out, summers earlier. He'd never seen her so angry. He was about to yell right back, until he realized how terrified she was.

_Promise me you won't go looking for Bill again_ , she'd said into his shoulder, and wouldn't let him out of the hug until he said, _Promise._

And here he was, breaking that promise. Well, it would be far from the first time that he's disappointed his family.

He knows the way by heart and hates himself for it.

It’s a little ways into the woods—not too far, but far enough off the beaten path that you wouldn’t likely stumble upon it by accident. It’s overgrown, covered in moss, and half-buried in the dirt. It’s the only remaining evidence that Bill Cipher had any influence in this world.

Seeing the statue makes him jolt a bit, which is ridiculous. There isn't any life in it and there never has been. Moss and grass have grown up around it over the past couple years, making it blend into the foliage surrounding it. It's unobtrusive, easy to miss; Dipper might not have seen it himself if he wasn't looking for it.

He spends a few seconds just staring at it. He doesn't know what he wants to do, but looking down at it feels weird, so he plops down on the forest floor cross-legged and stares it dead in the eye while leftover raindrops seep into his shorts.

"So," he declares, and immediately feels ridiculous. He groans and covers his face with his hands. The statue, unsurprisingly, is indifferent.

"It's, uh…it's been a while? I guess." A nervous chuckle, as if to break the nonexistent ice. "Wow, that sounds lame, um. Fuck."

It's not even the real thing. He had discovered the statue their first returning summer and had no idea what to make of it. It hasn't moved an inch since then; somehow it had escaped harm completely, but that's the only extraordinary thing about it. Dipper is pretty sure it would break if he hit it with something hard enough.

And yet, it still has the power to completely unsettle him. Maybe that wasn't saying much. After all, seeing something triangular out of the corner of his eye still made him do a double take every so often.

"I graduated high school," he says finally, awkwardly. "So that's kind of an achievement, I guess? Though I guess that wouldn't mean anything to you. I'm guessing you have no concept of public schooling, so you're just gonna have to trust me on this one."

"It was kind of underwhelming," he confesses, and he doesn't particularly want to say anything else, but before he realizes it, more words come spilling out. "Like, getting back from this summer full of crazy adventures, and then I have to go to school like everyone else and write five-paragraph essays? And it got even worse once we got to high school. I couldn't stop feeling like for every piece of theory or technique we learned or for every paper I wrote, I could be out there actually _doing something._ But, like, it was overwhelming too, at the same time? I don't know."

And he laughs nervously; feels an embarrassed blush rise to his face despite the fact that there's no one actually here to hear him. "Because it's like--everyone wants you to do so many things, and you have to do this and that, but you also have to do a sport, and join a club, and do community service! And I'm like, I'm just here to learn. I just want to _learn._ But after a certain point it was like, I didn't even care about that anymore?"

He fidgets. Now that the words are out in the open, he feels somehow exposed. An uncomfortable feeling pricks at the back of his neck.

"I guess fighting monsters and solving mysteries and stuff made me feel…important. Like I was doing something worthwhile."

The statue doesn't have any advice to offer. It never does. Dipper sighs.

"It felt kinda good, you know? Like…like I was the hero, always getting to save the day."

A bird tweets somewhere in the distance.

"But--it was never really me. It was Mabel, or Grunkle Stan, or Wendy, or Ford. I was only ever brave because I had the journals, and, well…you're kinda the one who destroyed them. Haha…"

"…I could never understand you," he admits finally. "Every other monster or enemy I encountered, I could understand eventually. Their motivations, their intentions. Hell, even Pacifica turned out okay. And I HATED her!" Dipper chuckles a little at the memory. "That snooty rich girl was alright in the end. She was just scared, like anyone else. But you…?"

He still has memories of Stan's mind. Of feeling helpless and powerless in the face of something that knew so much more than they did. The lingering question of whether or not they had really defeated him. Memories of Mabel's puppet show, of feeling alone and hopeless and desperate for any help he could possibly get, and the horrible shame and guilt that came afterwards--but for a moment there, he had felt so special, almost flattered, like he had been _chosen--_

Feeling sick as he heard Ford recount his relationship with Bill. Listening to it was like looking in a mirror. That was how _he_ had felt, at least a little. He couldn't help but feel like if they had met in a different way, if he hadn't known Bill was bad news from the first moment they met, then maybe Dipper would have been charmed just like Ford had been.

"You just wanted to hurt people," Dipper murmurs. "I don't get it."

A strong gust of wind nearly threatens to blow Dipper's hat off. He holds it down with one hand, and glances upwards to see dark storm clouds gathering in the distance. _Great. Again._ "Guess our reunion's gonna get cut a little short."

Mud sticks to his shorts as he gets up. For a moment, he pauses—just stands there, waiting.

For something. Anything.

He doesn’t know what.

But nothing comes, and he knows it’s ridiculous to expect anything to, so he sighs and begins the trek back to the Shack.


End file.
